Lap Dance

This blog documents my experience with the adjustable gastric band. The surgery took place in July, and thus the pre-op and post-op information can be found in the July archive.

Saturday, April 22, 2006


All this week my weight has been way up, so I was very pleasantly surprised to weigh in at 154.5, down 1.5 for the week. Frankly, I can't imagine how I managed to lose weight. I haven't worked out a single time this week, and I ate pretty badly too. I have been a bad, bad monkey. In fact, on Thursday I was so horrified by my weight that I read myself the riot act. I'm kind of scared that I'm going to put the weight back on, starting now.

To combat that, I'm going to force myself to go to the gym this afternoon. My new racquetball league starts this week. I am woefully underprepared cardiovascularly for all that sprinting, but I'm still looking forward to it.

Friday, April 21, 2006


As I gazed over my wardrobe this morning, it occurred to me that I only have about five tops to wear to work for the summer. That won't do. Mr. Kennedy and I traiped off to Kohl's to see what there is to see. I got three cotton button-ups and a spring sweater on the clearance rack, and a chocolate brown shell that I need to wear under a couple of suits. I hardly spent any money, so that's cool. I need to add it up and take it out of the shoppng spree total.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Reading Lists

This week I've listened to two books. I listened to A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby, and I really liked it. The premise is that these four very different Londoners each go individually to an apartment tower roof on New Year's Eve intending to kill themselves. I think it is particularly poignant if you have ever experienced depression. Some of the characters are very eloquent on the topic of what that feels like. But it's an interesting book for anyone because of the way the characters interact.

I also listened to John Grisham's The Street Lawyer. While it was not a drag, neither was it a very good book. The conflict was far too easily resolvable to carry a whole book, and the main character makes huge choices that are inexplicable due to a lack of sufficient character development. Basically, a big-firm lawyer has a traumatic experience that leads him to leave his affluent career and become a poverty lawyer at a Washington, D.C., clinic. It's good commuting reading, I suppose.

I'm still looking for book recommendations - college and law school have taught me to read very quickly, so I mow through books and am always looking for something new to read.

My next book on tape is going to be Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier, and on paper I'm reading Daunte's The Divine Comedy. I haven't seen the movie of Cold Mountain because I loathe Nicole Kidman and I think Renee Zellweger looks exactly like a mouse in a toxin experiment. Their powers combined prevent me from ever seeing it. I did like Renee Zellweger in Chicago, but I think I was blinded by the beauty of Catherine Zeta-Jones, who could probably compel me to go lesbian if the opportunity ever arose. I'll never forget how amazing she looked in every shot of Intolerable Cruelty.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


I can't seem to get back on track. Mr. Kennedy comes back from his parents' tonight, so I hope that will help. Argh.

I listened to "How To Be Good" by Nick Hornby while reviewing documents today. It was unbelievably boring. Good Lord.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Surgery Went Well

The elder Mrs. Kennedy's surgery went fine today. I was there all day, and got back home tonight at 9:00. Mr. Kennedy's dad couldn't take off work, so Mr. Kennedy is staying with his mom tonight and tomorrow to keep an eye on her. So I'm living the single life for a short time.

Man, the idea of getting our house ready to show is hugely daunting. I didn't have a job the last time we did it, and I devoted all my time to getting it ready and keeping it clean. But doing it with more than a full time job? Uggh. I'm thinking that I may hire the deep clean done, and then have a cleaning service until it's sold. I don't relish the idea of having a cleaning person - seems a little bourgeois to me - but I also don't relish the idea of having to clean every waking minute that I'm not at work. I also know that Mr. Kennedy will either not help, or help but act like he's the most put-upon wretch in the western hemisphere. Both approaches are guaranteed to piss me off, and a pissed off me creates domestic disharmony. I don't care how much Zoloft you throw into the mix.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter Festivities

Mr. Kennedy and I headed to my grandmother's for my family's Easter festivities today. That weird tightness remained, and I really struggled with noodles and other things. Mr. Kennedy baked a double-chocolate rum cake with a raspberry-rum glaze (is that quite boozy enough for you?), and I virtuously stayed out of it. Of course, a small part of that virtue was actually spite - I didn't eat it in small part because I was a little twirked that his cake turned out much better than my chocolate hazelnut tarts. :)

We had the traditional full-contact egg hunt, and then the traditional egg toss contest. My four-year-old cousin entered for the first time this year, and in the first round, his dad tossed the egg gently to him. It arced toward the little boy, and splattered right on his forehead. He looked stunned for a second, and then began laughing his head off. To his immense credit, he was not the slightest bit perturbed by the mess or the shock, and was a great sport about everyone laughing. He thought it was hilarious, and tried to peg his dad with an egg for the rest of the contest.

Mr. Kennedy's mother is having major surgery tomorrow. Despite my notable lack of warm feelings in her direction, I'm taking the day off work and going to the hospital. Mr. Kennedy is worried, so I'm going to go entertain him while she's in surgery.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Quick Weight Report

Weighed in at 156 today, down 1.5.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Spontaneous Tightness

I've often read about people whose bands get inexplicably tighter all of a sudden, without a fill. Given my crappy history with restriction, I never thought I'd be one of those people. But I might be. I've been having a ton of trouble getting food down without getting stuck. Soda was a no-go today. Everything seemed to be sitting uncomfortably, as though it was barely staying down. We'll see if this newfound tightness sticks around.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Mr. Kennedy's New Job

Mr. Kennedy has been looking for a new job for several weeks, and he finally got a job offer today. He interviewed for it a month ago, and we were starting to give up hope. Blissfully, it was his first job of choice. He's very excited, and I'm excited for him.

I'm also very excited for me. We live in the west suburbs now, but his new job is just south of the city. I work downtown. So we're going to move into the city to be closer to both our jobs. That's great because Mr. Kennedy's job was the only reason we moved out here - we both would much rather live in the city. The only problem is that I love the house we live in now.

So congratulations to Mr. Kennedy!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Busy Day

Wow, did I have a busy day. I had to make the few edits my boss wanted on my motion. He had to go to court all day, so I got to talk to the client and solicit their input on it as well. Then I got to make all the arrangements to file it, and it was my signature on the motion when it went to the court house. It made me feel like a real-life, big-girl lawyer. I know it may sound stupid to be excited about this, but at a large law firm where I work, junior associates almost never have the last word on anything, and they never get to submit their own motions.

I adore the lawyer I work for on this case. He's in his fifties, I would guess; perhaps older, because his kids are all my age. Unlike the partners in my practice group, he asks me to write documents and then refrains from re-writing the whole thing. It just needs to be well-written, but not necessarily in his very words. I just love working for him. I consider him a friend as well as a boss.

I went to the gym after work, and when I got home Mr. Kennedy was feeling under the weather. I put him to bed and got bored, so I went back to the gym to burn off a few calories.

The local library came through for me yesterday, obtaining the CD recordings of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I'm ripping them for my MP3 player as we speak. But then, unfortunately, I'll be all through with the Harry Potter books, and will need some new material. Does anyone have any suggestions? Here are some of my favorite authors: Diana Gabaldon, Maeve Binchy, Tom Clancy (although his books get suckier and suckier), Mario Puzo. I'm trying to get more educated as well. College was super-easy for me; I got high grades without ever reading the books that I was assigned. As a result, I'm well-credentialed but not particularly well-read in the classics. I'm trying to remedy that, but damn, some of those books are a drag.

Classics I liked: Vanity Fair, Tender Is the Night, Tale of Two Cities, Gilgamesh, Catch 22

Classics that made me want to hang myself from boredom: Anna Karenina, War and Peace (I'm noticing a Russian trend), A Clockwork Orange

Shopping Spree Total: $722

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Today was a rough one. I've been working on a case since I started my job almost two years ago, and it is set for hearing on a final motion to dismiss on Thursday morning. We moved to dismiss the complaint, and the plaintiff so far has not met any of the briefing schedule deadlines to oppose our motion. Then late this afternoon a motion for default judgment shows up on my desk. Usually default judgments are entered in favor of a party when the other side simply fails to do anything at all. Not only have we litigated this diligently, but we have a motion pending right now. To move for a default judgment is totally bizarre. So I had to stay until 10:00 to draft a response, because it has to be filed tomorrow in order to be heard at the hearing on Thursday morning.

Our firm has a policy that if you bill 10.5 hours in a day, you can order dinner and get reimbursed by the firm up to $50. Pretty generous. I ordered from Heaven on Seven, a cajun restaurant. They have a special called "No-Carb Jambalaya" that is spicy chicken, shrimp and andouille sausage in a tomato sauce, but no rice. I love that dish. I also ordered some mashed sweet potatoes, but they looked and tasted like baby food. They weren't good enough to justify the calories, so I junked them.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

The Moment of Truth

Today is the day of reckoning for my ridiculous lapse this past week. I weighed in at 157.5, up four pounds for the week. Yikes. Now, some of this is retained water, but I would bet that two pounds of it is bona-fide new-butt mass. I am back in control, on the wagon and ready to go.

This four pounds is really scary to me. It's astounding how fast I could put the weight back on if I was willing to let myself go. The binge also served a positive purpose: I've felt lousy all week, and then my blood sugar started acting up too. A bit of needed negative reinforcement.

Another benefit of Zoloft: I'm pretty pragmatic about my lapse. I wish it hadn't happened, but on the other hand I've been very good since the New Year, and that's a long time for a food junkie.

Shopping Spree Total: $702

Friday, April 07, 2006

Blood Sugar Issues

All right, so I have been eating like an idiot all week. The first part of the week was a total lapse of commitment and willpower. The second half of the week has been a little different. My whole life I've struggled with blood sugar swings. When my blood sugar gets too low, I get dizzy and disoriented and cold and sweaty. Since surgery, I've only had this happen a couple of times. However this past week it happened Wednesday, Thursday and today.

This definitely happened because I ate a bunch of junk, and that made my blood sugar swing up and down. Let this be a lesson unto me. While I was having issues with this, I also consumed a bunch of calories in an effort to bring my blood sugar back up. Tomorrow's weigh-in will be brutal.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Java Diva's Question

In the Comments section of the last entry, Java Diva asked a question that I think dovetails nicely with what I want to write about today:

I have a question for you about your sizes vs. weight. And anyone else out there reading for that matter. You are now zipping up a size 6 and weigh in at 153. Pre-band, were you ever that small? And if so, did you weigh less? And then, (a really stupid question) with all your're working out, do you think you could have done this well without the band-just by exercise and portion control. I know that may sound really stupid because, duh the whole reason to get banded is because you have trouble doing that, but now that you have done it post-band I was just wondering your thoughts on it. I am still really wanting to get banded, because I just know that this eating less and moving more thing will wear off, I'll just gain back more. I guess I just want to hear from somewhere that has been there and done that to confirm my worries, concerns, whatever.

The least amount that I remember weighing was in high school. I remember putting down 140 pounds on my driver's license application, and I remember that I was lying at the time. I think that by the time that I graduated high school, I weighed between 145 and 150. At no point have I ever owned a piece of clothing sized smaller than a size 10. My brother was killed during the summer after my junior year of college, and I wore this black suit to his funeral that I still have in my closet. It's a size ten, so between high school and then I put on weight, but not enough to put me up a size. Somewhere between then and when I got engaged in the middle of my second year in law school, I blossomed up to 186. Then I went on the bride diet and weighed 155 at the end of my third year of law school. Then I shot up to 208 after studying for the bar, moving to Chicago, and starting my very sedentary job with astounding access to all the great eating places of Chicago.

Now that you know the story of my life, I'll go on to part two of Java Diva's question: Could I have done this without the band? I think we've all learned together that my band is not as restrictive as most bandsters experience, so that makes me a bit of an outlier of band effectiveness. I don't know why the restriction thing has turned out the way it has. I think that my portions are somewhat controlled by the band, but I continue to have to use Weight Watchers to count calories. The band does make it quite a bit easier to stay well within my points range. The exercise is not affected by the band - that's all me.

Here's where the band comes into play. Yesterday and today I have just said "FUCK IT" so watching what I eat. I don't know why. I've been having such great success since the new year. However, that's how it's been. Sunday night I bought a deep dish pizza, fully intending to eat the whole thing if I possibly could. I couldn't. I ate two pieces and thought I'd explode. Tonight I mixed up a 9x13 pan of brownies. I intended to eat all that I could. I ate two, and felt uncomfortable.

So yeah, I could continue to eat like this, and I'd gain weight. But sometime between now and ten pounds from now, I think I'd probably come to my senses and get back on the wagon. And if not, in a moment of lucidity, I'd make an appointment for a fill, even if I just go in and have Dr. Horgan yell at me and send me home without one. It only takes one lucid moment to make the appointment.

The difference is that it won't let me give up. And I couldn't do that on my own. So there's your answer. I hope that makes sense.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Anne Klein Lives in My Closet

I have had a simply splendid day. First, I weighed in at 153.5, down TWO POUNDS for the week. I couldn't be more psyched that my weight loss is so steady, even though I'm closing in on goal.

Mr. Kennedy is still in Vegas, and I was lonely after a couple days in the house by myself. I decided to run a bunch of errands. I started by heading to Carson Pirie Scott to look for the Anne Klein shoes, which have reached legendary status in my mind. I get there, and all the signs on the doors announce that they are having a huge shoe sale. Hooray!

I walked over to the Anne Klein tables and started hunting for the shoes Mr. Kennedy picked out for me a couple weeks ago. They weren't there. I began giving myself the lecture: when you see something you love and it's on sale, buy the damn things! Don't talk yourself out of it because you feel you don't deserve it! I accepted this as my punishment, and headed over to the clearance rack to check it out before I left. There, in the size six section, were my coveted Anne Klein shoes. The only pair left, and they were my size. I couldn't believe it, and I shoveled them under my arm, ready to demonstrate my kickboxing skills on any broad who tried to snag them from me.

I took them and another pair of super cute shoes over to the try-on area. When I saw how cute they looked on, I must have looked delighted, because this man sitting behind me was watching me and grinning. I bought BOTH pairs of shoes and headed to the clothing section.

Last time we'd been there Mr. Kennedy had pointed out some great looking slacks. I took a pair of size sixes to the dressing room, just curious to see how far I was from them. To my wonderment, they went on and zipped easily. They were a little tight across my hips, but everything else looked great. I'd say I'm about three pounds from wearing them. What the hell is that about? I couldn't believe it. I put them back, bought an Anne Klein skirt on deep clearance, and left. As much as I would love to go hog-wild shopping right now, it's not prudent. They'll just be too big in two months and I'll have wasted my shopping spree money.

Now I have two pairs of shoes in my guest room, waiting to be awarded for some accomplishment. I get the Anne Klein shoes now because I need to wear them, and because I did fantastic this week and I deserve them. However, the other pumps and another pair are waiting.

I walked to a jewelry store this afternoon and got links taken out of both my watches. Who knew I had so much weight to lose in my wrists?