Lap Dance

This blog documents my experience with the adjustable gastric band. The surgery took place in July, and thus the pre-op and post-op information can be found in the July archive.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Goal Weight

I worked from home today. I had to drive Mr. Kennedy to O'Hare this afternoon, so it was easier to just stay home. He's going to Vegas for a bachelor party this weekend. I am SO GLAD to have some alone time. Am I a bad wife? He's at our house when I leave for work in the morning, and he's there when I get home. I'm kind of a loner by nature, and it's been a really long time since I was just home by myself. I'm sure I'll miss him by Sunday, but for now I'm feeling spacious.

It was spectacular outside today. I turned off the heater and opened up all the windows. It's great to get the winter skank out and get some fresh air in the house.

I've been listening to the second Harry Potter book on tape this week. I can't believe how much I like these books. They're about 12-years-olds and magic, and I'm not into either of those things at all. However, I'm crazy into these books. I won't let myself listen to them unless I'm commuting or working out, so it makes me want to go the gym and listen.

I sneaked a mid-day look at the scale today, and it said 153.5. Curious, because this morning I was 156, an inexplicable jump. Hopefully it sticks at the lower one. It occurred to me that my dress size at goal will be a size six. Doesn't that sound weird. "Oh, I wear a size six." "Do you have this in a size six?" How bizarre.

Shopping Spree Total: $687

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Anne Klein

Ever since Mr. Kennedy picked out those Anne Klein shoes, I've been thinking about them and coveting them. Mr. Kennedy's going to Vegas with his buddies for a bachelor party this weekend, so I think I'm going to have to go get me some shoes.

Mr. Kennedy has rolled me out of bed the last two mornings to go to the gym, and as a result I'm down a half-pound already.

Shopping Spree Total: $682

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Saturday Weigh In

This morning I weighed in at 155.5, down another pound. I'm really surprised that I managed to get an entire pound, so I'm quite satisfied with that. I need to do better on both the food and exercise ends next week.

I want to state for the record that I loathe those Dr. Scholls "Are You Gellin'?" commercials. They make no sense, and are ultra-aggravating. What in the name of fuck does Magellan have to do with shoe inserts? Was he known for having particularly comfortable feet, or being particularly mellow? Whoever decided to air such crap should be euthanized to prevent pollution of the gene pool.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Size 8

Sorry I haven't posted in a week. Nothing of note happened. I've been working until 9:00 each night, and unless you want a detailed description of my document review, I got nothing.

Something of note happened today. I'm going to a show tomorrow night, and in the back of my mind I've been hoping I could get into this super-cute pair of size 8 pants that I bought at the Kohl's shopping spree aways back. I'm going with my extended family, and they haven't seen me since Christmas, which was about 15 pounds ago. I tried the pants on tonight, and they're just right. I am a size 8. I have never worn a size 8 in my entire life, and I never thought I would.

The Zoloft thing has been going really well. All my fears about losing motivation and lowering my standards for myself have proven to be baseless. It's not that I don't notice when I make little errors; it's just that I don't berate myself all day long for every little thing. It's not that people don't piss me off anymore; it's just that I don't fantasize for hours about exactly how I would tell them off if the situation presented itself. I don't feel completely worthless, and I haven't cried since I started taking it. It turns out that my spur of the moment decision to get a prescription has been a great step in the right direction. It still doesn't make me want to get out of bed and go to the gym in the morning - do they make a pill for that?

Shopping Spree Total: $662

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Down another 1.5 pounds for the week, to 156.5. 16.5 more pounds to go.

This week it suddenly occurred to me that I am looking pretty darn good. I hope I can keep up the steady loss, since everyone says that the last ten pounds are the hardest to lose.

Shopping Spree Total: $642

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Massage today

I had my first massage today, and I was a little disappointed. I stripped down to my undies and got under the towel, and the masseuse went to work. But I got COLD! And I wished he would have used more pressure, but it just didn't feel that good. It was totally weird to be nude and have somebody who is not my husband touching me. I really liked the foot massage part, though, so perhaps I'll stick to that next time.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Massage tomorrow

I'm working from home tomorrow in honor of March Madness; it's not like I'd be doing any work at work anyway.

Man, so much for the Zoloft making it easy to avoid thinking about food. If that ever was the case, it sure wasn't today. I was white-knuckling all day today. I still ended up within my points allotment, but it wasn't easy. So far I'm down a pound this week, which is great for Wednesday.

For my performance in the March quest for perfection, Mr. Kennedy scheduled a massage for me for tomorrow morning at 11:00. I'm excited - I've never had one before.

Shopping Spree Total: $635

Saturday, March 11, 2006


Today's weigh in was successful - 158, down one for the week. Dr. Horgan's goal for me is 150; my goal is 140 because that will give me a normal BMI. At this point, I think I can lose more than another 8 pounds, and I want to because there's still too much excess fat on me. My hips are frantically clutching fat.

I started a three-week quest for perfection (see Feb. 25 entry) with some women from the Graduate Bandsters board that ended today. It went really well, and I re-upped until the end of the month.

As a reward for doing so well for the past three weeks, Mr. Kennedy is setting up a massage for me this week. I've never had one before, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Perhaps someone can weigh in on this: I feel like the Zoloft is working already. Is that possible, or is it just a placebo effect brought on by the relief of having gotten treatment? I looked on the Zoloft website, and it said that it will take effect within 1-2 weeks, with symptoms improving up until 6 weeks. I feel a lot more relaxed, and I haven't obsessed about wanting to eat all day like I usually do. I just want to eat when I'm hungry. Good Lord, I hope that that is a permanent effect of Zoloft. That would be so heavenly.

Shopping Spree Total: $620

Friday, March 10, 2006


So far my commitment of giving up soda for Lent is going swimmingly. Giving up things for Lent is good for me, as I seem to have more willpower to make sure it happens.

Mr. Kennedy and I are totally addicted to "Most Haunted" on the Travel channel. These Brits explore supposedly haunted buildings all over Great Britain, and they spend the night there conducting watches for ghostly activity. There's also a psychic who channels the spirits. The Brits get all scared and cuss and shriek. We just think it's hilarious to hear a "Bloody Hell!" in an English accent.

I haven't had any further acid reflux, so I think it must have been the Zoloft. That's certainly a relief.

I met my husband and his friend at a bar last night to watch a basketball game. When I got home from work I was hungry, and I REALLY wanted to avoid eating bar food the night before my weigh-in. All of the lower calorie stuff had meat in it, and I can't eat meat on Fridays during Lent. So I went to Taco Bell on the way and ordered a 3-point pintos and cheese.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


I finally went to talk to my primary care physician today about my depression. Seriously, it's not right that I should be feeling like such a piece of shit all the time. According to the National Institute for Mental Health, the symptoms of depression are as follows:

Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
Restlessness, irritability
Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

He asked me about a few things, and asked me if I had stopped wanting to go out and do things or be with people. I totally have. I'm afraid to be around people for fear that I'll say something stupid or offensive.

He gave me 25 mg of Zoloft to start out with, to see if that will do the trick. He was surprised that I'd waited so long to seek help.

I'm sort of afraid to take the Zoloft. I've wildly overachieved in my life by berating myself constantly to do better, try harder. I'm afraid that if I'm medicated, I'll be more mellow and won't care so much about succeeding.

Right after I took my pill, I started getting very minor acid reflux. I haven't had that since my hernia was fixed during surgery. So now I'm all stressed about that, because that's often a symptom that something may be wrong with your band. I'm going to try some antacids and see if it goes away.

Shopping Spree Total: $605

Monday, March 06, 2006

Shoe Shopping

Mr. Kennedy has a job interview on Wednesday, and needed some wingtips to wear with his suit, so we headed off to the mall to buy shoes. Once we got there, I wanted to look at shoes for me too. Mr. Kennedy obliged me by picking out some super-cute Anne Klein shoes that I ultimately decided I didn't deserve yet. I found some Nine West soccer shoe-type shoes on the clearance rack, and some other every-day-for-work black shoes. I need the work shoes, but the sneaks will be held back for a special treat.

On the way home, I mentioned in passing that I thought about food nearly constantly. Mr. Kennedy said that he can go 3-4 hours without thinking about food. If I'm busy doing something, I MIGHT be able to go a half-hour without thinking about food. Maybe. If I'm not busy, I think about it nearly constantly. Anyone wlse want to weigh in?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Saturday Weigh In

I weighed in at 159, down a pound for the week. I didn't deserve it, since I only exercised twice or three times, I forget.

I really blew it eating today: Mr. Kennedy and I went to check out the downtown of a nearby suburb for the evening. It was great, which was not so great for the diet. We stumbled across a great wine shop that offered a wine tasting of seven wines for $5.00. Not small tastes, either. We tried some new stuff and had a ball. There were some other couples in there too, and we all had a jolly time together. We tasted and bought a Vignoles, which I'd never had before. It's a sweet white wine. Then we checked out an Italian restaurant that turned out to be both delicious and reasonably priced. All in all, we had a delightful time.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Ash Wednesday

I gave up soda for Lent. It's appropriately difficult, and it's something I should really do anyway. No sense taking chances.

Lent is really no different for me than the rest of the year, since I spend so much time pointlessly berating myself for every misstep, large and small. Bleh. I waste too much time.