Lap Dance

This blog documents my experience with the adjustable gastric band. The surgery took place in July, and thus the pre-op and post-op information can be found in the July archive.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Source of New Clothes

Ebay is a great place to pick up some new clothes for cheap. If you type in whatever brand or designer you like, there's tons of stuff new with tags. You generally can't return it for being the wrong size, but all of us who are heading down in weight will get into it eventually. I bought a new wool Ann Taylor skirt for $2.50.

Turner Classic Movies showed Gone With the Wind without commercials this afternoon. I hadn't seen it since I was a teenager, and I appreciate so much more of the subtle humor now. Great book, great flick. I feel so sorry for Rhett Butler.

Shopping Spree Total: $586

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Successful Week

On the Graduate Bandster board, one of the moderators pointed out that I could get to goal in 90 days if I would commit myself to do whatever it takes. I thought about it hard, and decided that I couldn't deal with the thought of trying to be perfect for 90 days. I could deal with it for three weeks, though, so that's what I signed up for. A few other ladies joined me, and the Three-Week Quest for Perfection was born. This past week was the first week.

It was mostly successful. I lost four pounds, to get to 160. Keep in mind, though, that that's down four from when I gained some back last week. My previous low was 162.5. I worked out four times (five if I get my lazy ass there today), but it was slapdash and a struggle. I need to focus on that next week. The eating was good, staying between 15-18 Weight Watchers points (my range is 20-25). I messed up when I went for Mexican for dinner on Thursday. I wasn't hungry, but it sounded so good, so much better than going to the gym.

I have to go to my parents today (two hours away), and in support of my don't-blow-it-on-the-weekends initiative, I've got an eating plan. I'm going to have one taco, and then go out for dinner about four, and that will do it for the day.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Athletes as Role Models

I'm even sorer today than I was yesterday. Ow!

Mr. Kennedy baked some nice thick pieces of cod for dinner this evening, which he served with some red curry sauce from Trader Joe's. Cod, it turns out, is low-calorie and has a lot of nutritional bang for the buck.

In the last post's comments, Serena presented beach volleyball player Gabrielle Reese as a body role model. I hadn't thought of focusing on female athletes, but that's smart. They're a lot less likely to have had cosmetic surgery to get looking like they do, so it's a lot more achievable. So I'm thinking that I'd like to have Brandi Chastain's arms and abs.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Agony!

Searing pain in my thighs, butt, back, shoulders, arms, hands, feet, everywhere. It feels terrific! When I fantasize about my body at goal, I always have Hilary Swank's back from when she wore the navy backless dress to the Oscars after doing Million Dollar Baby. She and Jennifer Garner have the kind of bodies I admire - thin, but buffed out. I aspire to the athletic look, but not to the waif-y look. I'd like to hear from anyone who has kind of picked out a famous role model. We all know they're airbrushed, plastic surgeried and medical taped into those dresses, but is there anyone who inspires you?

Anyway, I really feel sexy now that my arms and back look good, and I can tell already that raquetball is going to improve that situation ever further.

I just watched the end of the 1100 m race where Shani Davis got the silver and Chad Hedrick got the bronze. Chad Hedrick proceeded to suck himself off at the post race interview, making excuses and talking about how good he is. Shani Davis was very appropriate, but then he called Hedrick out in the post-race presser for not congratulating him after he won. I wish Shani Davis hadn't done that, but Chad Hedrick has come off like a total dick all week, and it seems like Davis should be congratulated for not hiding Hedrick's body under the ice somewhere.

Monday, February 20, 2006


In the spirit of recommitment (which I seem to need to do every three weeks lately), I decided to take up a new sport. After a year and a half on the incline trainer and ellipticals, I am starting to dread my minutes on the machines. So I set up a racquetball lesson. It looked like a good workout, and I'm good at racket sports. It was $20 for an hour-long lesson. I thought that was very reasonable, and cheaper than a personal trainer.

It was SO. FUN. It's fast-paced and kind of overwhelming at first, because the ball can come from anywhere. But the rules are simple, and anyone can play a game right off the bat, unlike tennis. However, I was glad I hadn't tried it before this point in my getting-in-shape efforts, because I was panting like a dog immediately. I haven't hustled that much since high school basketball practice. Wheezing is really loud on a racquetball court. We only played for about 20 minutes of the lesson, and the rest of the time we practiced strokes and shots. But I still was totally wiped out. Courts are usually reserved for an hour at a time - I don't think I could play for that long without suffering a heart attack.

The best part is that it requires every ounce of my concentration to keep up. Therefore, I can't watch a clock, or stress about something else, or ponder whether my boobs jiggle too much as I scoot across the floor. I think I'm going to be colossally sore tomorrow.

Shopping Spree Total: $579

Sunday, February 19, 2006


I read the Graduate Bandster today, and one of the senior sages gave me a bit of advice. In 90 days, she wrote, I could be at goal if I'm ready to get this done. She's almost certainly right.

But in my perfectionism, I'm reluctant. I'm not sure that I could do it perfectly for 90 days, and that makes me not want to try at all. So I thought about it all day, and decided that I would try to be as close to perfect as possible from now until March 12, and see where that gets me.

Perfect, for me right now, means:
1. Exercise 5 times per week
2. No sweets until Saturday (I'm detoxing from sugar to see if that helps with cravings)
3. Stay within my points
4. One soda per day

I went to the grocery store and stocked up on fish and chicken, and also went looking for some new good foods to try. I found a lentil soup, a black bean soup, and a frozen broccoli-and-cheese dish as sides for lunch.

I got my ass to the gym and lifted and did cardio this afternoon, too. Back on the wagon we go.

Shopping Spree Total: $569

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Motivation Gone

My motivation is gone, and it shows. 164, up 1.5 for the week. God, I suck.

I was really discouraged today, and I pretty much ate my way through the day in reaction to it. We went to Lonestar for lunch, and over the course of the evening I ate four huge slices of pizza.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Losing Motivation

I have done a bad job this week with exercise (only three times), and I haven't been as strict on the calories as I should have been either due to the restaurant trips during the week. Tonight I just hung up the cleats and went to eat sushi with Mr. Kennedy. Then I had three oatmeal cookies. I am a bad monkey.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine's Day

I had a nice Valentine's Day today. After work, Mr. Kennedy and I went to a French restaurant here in town. I'm not very familiar with French food, so I was a little nervous about it. The stereotype is that the menu will be in French, the waiter will be condescending, and everything will be covered in cream sauce.

The reality was just fine. First of all, French restaurants will always serve a nice steak, usually with fries. If totally flummoxed, one can always fall back on that. There was a bandster problem at the outset, though. When I made the reservation, no one told me that the only menu they'd be serving that night was a five-course meal for $65 per person. Now, all bandsters know that five courses, even if they are small, probably isn't going to make it down the gullet of a bandster, whether you're drinking with your meal or not. However, after a bit of convincing, the manager agreed to let me pick what courses I wanted and pro-rate it.

So I had a wonderful bowl of lobster bisque, and then a perfect filet mignon on a bed of polenta. Mr. Kennedy started with a tuna tartare creation that was the best dish of either of our meals. Then he had the bisque, sorbet, filet of tourbot, and a white chocolate mousse. I don't like white chocolate, so I didn't even covet the dessert. We had a great Gustave Laurent Riesling with the meal. Love me some Alsatian wine.

Shopping Spree Total: $562

Monday, February 13, 2006

Always Behind the Camera

I was reading past posts on a banding support group on Yahoo today, and this lady posted that she had cleaned out her basement and came across sixteen rolls of undeveloped film. She took it in and had them developed. They were photos spanning five years of her life, and were of her children, family, pets, vacations, etc. She was in one of the photos. She wrote that the rest of the time she had always insisted on being the one to take the photos, or refused to be in them because she was ashamed of her weight. As a result, she had effectively erased herself from her family's history without realizing it.

Sunday, February 12, 2006


Mr. Kennedy and I got our weekly fix of Celebrity Fit Club today. Chastity Bono is one of the participants, and her partner set her up with a week's worth of different workouts so she could try to find something new that she liked. The one she liked the best was called jujitsu, I believe. It was some sort of martial art that involved combat with a wooden pole; think Splinter in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She really worked up a sweat. I have to admit that I find great appeal in the idea of beating someone with a stick as a form of cardio. I would get out of bed at ANY time in the morning to lay the wood to my vile sister-in-law. That's a form of exercise I'd never tire of.

I'm contemplating taking up a martial art. One of the great things about this new body I'm working on is how strong I feel. It makes me feel powerful. I think it would be awesome to know that I could kick someone's ass, even though of course I wouldn't. Except to defend my engagement ring. Or my Coach bag.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Mean Girls

My firm had a firm-wide lunch today, and as I stood in line I ran into a woman whom I hadn't seen in a while. She works on a different floor, and I haven't seen her in at least six months. She gave me a long, obvious look up and down. She was clearly checking out my weight loss. Then she said, "Don't you think your hair is getting too long?" I nearly laughed out loud.

A Rash of Barfing

This week has been a bad one for barfing. Wednesday night Mr. Kennedy made pork chops on the grill for dinner. I ate half of one, and it seemed like that was too much, because a few minutes later I started to slime. Then I had to sprint to the bathroom to bring it up.

Last night Mr. Kennedy were rushing to eat at Corner Bakery before we volunteered downtown. I ordered a salad, and I evidently didn't chew it very well, because another sprint to the bathroom was in order.

Then this morning I ate another bran muffin (I know, get a learning curve), and it hung out in the pouch for a while then reappeared in the trash can in my office. My stomach has felt all swelly since then, so I'm taking it very easy.

Shopping Spree Total: $567

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Goal Date

I figure that a pound a week of weight loss is achievable, and as I thought about that today it made me wonder when I would achieve my goal weight of 140 pounds. At a pound per week, I will arrive at goal on July 15, 2006.

That certainly didn't make me feel good. July 15 is a long time from now, and after my goal date of one year from surgery (July 8). When I had surgery, I thought I'd be at goal in March. Well, onward.

Shopping Spree Total: $557

Monday, February 06, 2006

As expected...

I was 166 this morning, up three from yesterday. From this I learned:

1. Carb binges are especially bad in the short-term weight gain category
2. Blowing it on the weekends will negate weight loss for the whole damn week.

How many months have I wasted by fucking around on the weekends? Why can't I learn to do better? I know that the direct consequence is slower weight loss. I have immediate positive reinforcement when I do well. Why can't I do it?

I'm watching last week's episodes of The Daily Show, and two lines have been absolutely classic:
1. "That look is where boners go to die."
2. "We don't torture, we freedom-tickle."

Pseudo-bummer of the day - my super-cute Banana Republic pants are officially too big, and were confiscated by Mr. Kennedy when I walked in from work today.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Super Bowl Sunday

I was down another half pound this morning, to 163. That's not going to last, for the reasons that follow.

Lunch sucked today. I botched shrimp stirfry, and as a result I got full but not satisfied, if you know what I mean. So I just let myself go and eat whatever I wanted at my friend's Super Bowl party, and I didn't get much fluid in. Guacamole, ribs, trail mix, chips, hummus, cake, cheese dip. Tomorrow's weigh-in is going to be flat out brutal.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Shopping Trip

I needed some new work shoes and some workout shorts, so Mr. Kennedy and I packed up and went to Kohl's. We are NOT big shoppers, and we haven't done any non-Christmas shopping in months. I found neither shoes nor shorts, but we still wound up blowing plenty of money. I found some cute underwear on sale. But here's the exciting part:

Kohl's was clearing out its winter clothes, and the sales racks were not yet picked over. Mr. Kennedy was turned into a pack animal on which clothes were stacked. With my newfound weight loss momentum, I got all optimistic and took tons of size 8s to the dressing room. All of them went on and ZIPPED UP. I looked a bit sausagy, but a size 8 is totally achievable in the next 5-7 pounds. I have NEVER worn a size 8 in my whole life, and I have NEVER had such a lovely time shopping in all my life. And I only spent $50 on three pairs of pants, one skirt and a tank top. And with that, I must subtract $25 from the shopping spree total (I had a $25 gift card), the first of many satisfying deductions.

Shopping Spree Total: $547

Two More Pounds Gone

This morning I weighed in at 163.5, down two pounds for the week. Sweet. That is all.

Shopping Spree Total: $572

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Slow and Steady

I was 164.5 this morning, down a pound so far this week. After last week's drop, I kinda thought I'd stall out this week, but so far so good.

Nothing new to report. We still haven't been dismissed from the case that I'm working on, and it's set to go to trial on February 16th. We can't assume that we're going to get out, so we're ramping up for trial. Therefore, I've been working every day. I went through almost all of 2005 with nothing to do, and I was really worried that I was going to get laid off. But then I got slammed right before Christmas, and I've traded being bored for being swamped. It's good, though - I feel like a productive member of society again.